life is like a piece of shit....

the time of my life

2005-03-03T08:13:00.000-08:00

haven touch tis thing 4 agest..... didnt rellie got anything to write..... cause life have been meaning less.... Until i met my baby ger..... Shida!!! muakzs.... miss u baby... at 1st things btwn us were rellie kind of rought.... fight fight and fight..... but recently thing got better.... and i mean rellie good... i have nvr felt so luck in this short life of mine.... she have been there 4 me all the time.... she luv me alot.... such a lucky bastard.... wakaka...

today was one of the happiest day 4 me.... went to her place... kind of taught her c prog.... dono weather she got absorb anything anot..... but darling 100% huh.... wakakaka.... cant wait to go there again... hehehe tak malu sak.... any way baby all the bez 4 ur paper k....

baby u are the bez and life without u is meaning less.... each time u touch me i melt inside.... to seat close to u is as thought i am seating at heaven door.... juz wating 4 it to open so open lah.... wakakak.... muakz i luv u baby ger.... baby u are my one and oni... till death do us part.... muakz

back to square one~~~

2005-01-04T05:43:00.000-08:00

Dah lame siol tak kasi ni binatang makan(update lah).... wahahaha.... ape hal huh.... oOOo takye..... busy gile sak..... layan kan orang lain sampai diri sendiri tak ter layan...... orang gadoh2 kite sebok..... tak boleh ddk diam siol.... pagi gi skool.... petang lepak.... time malam lak main guitar(masih tak pass2 main).... malam confrence same ade lah orang ni(bukan gf huh, member jer).... ni lah baru dapat kasi di bende makan..... member tak call member busy..... dah lah jadi pirate loner....

Tadix aleph and boi(me) gi beach road..... shoppin siol..... nak tau beli ape..... baju dalam..... wahahaha.... beli bende merepek sial.... singlet color pink lah biru lah hijau lah..... lawak gile..... pas tu beli boxer sponge bob..... mak kau gi jauh2 stakat beli stock sluar dalam..... ni lah name pirate sakai..... besok janji ngan aleph pakai singlet pink same boxer sponge bob.... jadi kembar se bodek.... wakakaka.....

tadi pagi bangon lambat sial..... selalu nye member ade call kejot kan.... tapi tadi pagi tak pon.... pada hal klass start same time tadi.... hmmm entalah..... jangan macam gini ah member.... borin siol takde member nak bebual..... member lain takleh bebual cube boleh buat lawak je...... tul tak wahahahaha............

~ shouting my lungs out ~

2004-12-22T04:47:00.000-08:00

yesterday i dint got enought sleep..... went to bed early aound 1 am but ended up sleepin at 5 and wakin up at 7..... oni 2 hr of sleep..... and the day b4 i was also awake the whole nite hangin out with apek..... so total hr sleep added up in the 2 days is abt 5 hr..... wah so tired...... today slack with the usual peepz.... alif and affie..... got my mind clear out of stuff..... had some laught and fun there.... play sepak takraw..... jatoh macam kene tembak bile nak buat tekong lipat..... kelakar gile..... it was great lah..... then went home around 6 in the afternoon.....

slack 4 a while and then had a nap...... then wole up in the middle of the nite at 2 am..... look at my hp and saw some msg and miss call..... she said"plz sayang listen i got to say something an..........." Argh...... tak paham bahase ke...... aku tak nak bebual ngan kau pompan sundah...... mane lelaki yang dulu kau tu..... pi ah mengadu kat die....... my ears are no longer there to listen to u....... well 4 a fact my whole self id no longer 4 u...... so buzz of....... one more call and tats it..... i will go to ur place and do something mean...... don try me....... i have the thing plan out already.....

i don know from where u get my blog address..... juz buzz off...... don tell me u pitty me or wad...... i don need ur pitty..... i got frenz now...... i don need pitty from some one who stab in the back, front, side ,up ,down........ and tell ur mum i`m sori 4 shoutin at her the other day...... i should not be shouting at her but instead at u bitch...... move on lah...... or u juz want me come to ur place and kick ur ass...... leave me and my fren alone.......

~ shouting my lungs out ~

2004-12-21T07:26:00.000-08:00

haiz...... juz went back from skool...... accompany apek to meet dee after her hockey pratice..... apek and dee went straight home while as 4 me and jep we went 4 supper at buger king..... then went home..... on the way gave dee a call.. ask her how are things going btwn them so far.... and from wad i see 90% chances they will back together...... juz hope thing will as per normel again....

yesterday apek came to my crib cause he was like goin crazy with no one to talk to..... so he came and we hung out..... till 5 in the mornin.... he than went back home at tat time..... we talk abt stuff and play some song...... learn alot abt thing...... he almost the excat replica of me..... but his much better..... so far, apek is something like me...... he wants longterm relationship and will do anything 4 the ger...... and most of all he veri sociable not matrape.....

so far everything was okie...... till juz now when i was abt to step in my house.... i got a call from my "ex" again..... well she wanted to talk..... she was like askin me "ngah buat ape" and my reply "buat bodoh ah"...... then put down the phone..... and this was a few days back..... and now she call me again..... but i didnt pick up...... JUZ LEAVE ME ALONE..... plz don remind me that u used to be a part of my life...... go find all the other guys lah..... y u want me..... me budak taik pe...... PLZ GIRL LEAVE ME ALONE...... yes i still got fellin 4 u.... and the fellin will last till the day i get barried..... BUT THERE IS NO TRUST....... so juz fuck out of my life...... here i am tryin to help my fren with their relationship...... and my past still haunts me..... dee plz don throw away apek...... he rellie a nice guy..... at least if i fail in my realtionship i want see the 2 of ur relationship workz..... i juz want to see all my effort of puttin u guys back together come true.....

haha.... life nvr been better

2004-12-18T07:35:00.000-08:00

recently i have been readin back my previous entries..... rite back from the beginning..... and wat i came to realise is tat modt of them are vent on fustration and hatred.... this place is like where i come to vomit it all out..... and now guess wad.... i feel better..... i guess it the single thing tat causes this change.... wahwahwa.... single gerek.....

ya btw this new song is 4 u guy who are goin through shit in life..... hold on peepz...... especially to people who have famili problem like raudah, kamal , dee and ..... i salute u all...... i don think i will survive if i was in ur shoes..... so respect same u all...... hehe.... dee relek ah... jangan fras menongeng.... hehe.... =PpPp

Gay gay gay...... muahaha

2004-12-11T09:33:00.000-08:00

let me see.... hmmm.... things were as normal in the early part of the day.... woke up late..... rush to work..... came half an hr late... and still got time to go window shoppin.... muahaha.... then came an hr late.... no one seem to give a fuck.... haha.... then had an hour of break and came bask late 4 hlf and hour late again.... walk2 again..... hahaha....

then in btwn of my work i went to snake snake.... hisssss.... hahaha.... bought a cola and went to my usual hang out.... the shoppin mall stair case..... GUESS wad..... i open the freakin door and saw tis two guy huggin and kissing.... i mean toung to toung.... Weppie..... haha.... one of the guy had his back on the wall and his hand was in the other guy pants.... wow... i was so shock that my mind freez..... i keep repeatin sori ah sori ah not purpose..... hahah stupid sia..... they oni stop kissin when i suddenly came in into the staircase..... they were still huggin like nobody buisness..... i quickly drink my cola and went back to my work.....

then they came best denki(my work place)..... they keep lookin at me and smillin at 1st..... and started lookin around at the com there....suddenly some one tapped my sholder and to the freakin shit it was one of the guy..... then my "balls" shrank..... muahaha.... they keep askin abt the com and stuff... question after question they ask.... one freakin hour had pass and still they were askin...... i was so deperate tat i pull one of my fren and ask him to handle this to gay customer...... luckly it was time to go home sia..... so freakin happie sia.... actually not time yet i juz cabot half and hour early..... hahaha.... cause my company no punch card....

then rush to the train..... on my way there i was lookin 4 the sign of them..... no freakin sign so okie loh..... then when i drop at BB station i went walk at west mall.... see2 wads on sale..... then suddenly bump into them...... sial ah i was speech less sia..... the guy approch me and ask me u stay around here ah..... my mind went blank..... then my phone rang..... i pick it up and told them i was in a rush.....

rush my freakin way home...... walkin home i was like lookin at my back if they were somewhere to be seen..... so freakin scared..... i was like thinkin it cant be by luck they were at westmall..... cause they were the last customer i entertain..... they muz have follow me..... or even worst they stay some where near here....NO~~~~~...... but a waste they look freakin hansome.... rellie i mean rellie hansome.... well build around early 30s.... look like a part time sports magazine model...... awww.... u girls cant get them.... oni 4 guyz...... any guy interested...... hahaha.....

not goin to werk tomorrow.... scared of seein them again.... haha and btw got soccer match.... ya the one who call me was herry...... i luv u herry.... not tat luv lah.... not gay..... hahaha thanz.... u save my balls.... haha..... ya b4 i 4get..... i back to single hood...... hahaha....

life stink.....

2004-12-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

It have be like how long since i last blog in....

hmmm... no idea.... haha...

thing haven been goin so smoothly with ALOT of thing in my life.....

1st ly i failed one of my module and have to retake it.... stupid me....

got 2 A but that didnt rellie matter cause i freakin failed one...

and wont be seeing my class mate next semester... sori guy....

i know u gona miss me.... wahahaha ya rite...like tat eva happen....

but will be able to see my sec skool fren cause i be goin klass to klass 4 lesson.... haha juz wait 4 me okie alif , rahman, affie, sam and gang...

havoc and chaos is on the way... wagagaga

2ndly i don know where i goin with nurul.... she now at malaysia.....

she nvr call or msg me any more....and juz take a look at her friendster....

there are this bunch of guys pic in there..... i not tryin to say tat she bad or wad because its up to her to do wat eva she want..... don rellie know where we are goin.... or is this juz hayalan.....

3rdly family...... tis is the worst..... cause guys... u can chose ur fren or gerfren but not ur familie..... my parent is as uptite as ever..... my mum will be the one to force me go home early..... and my dad is the one who will be the one freakin out every time i do something diff....example color my hair, pain my nail and stuff..... argh... so freakin sianz..... the worst is my sis.... haha... i envy u guys who have bro or sis tat care abt u.... well mine hate me to the core eva since i was born.... dont rellie know y..... but i think is because i am the one who always seem to pass my exam even without touchin a book..... well as 4 her she diff..... she studie like hell and still cant get an A.... and i am messy and stuff.... but wat the fuck i am still ur freakin brother..... we stay in the same house yet i talk more to my fren then u sis.... i hope one day u will cum to ur sences..... and i will stop nagging... wahahaha

well have to get throught things one at time.....

i feel so unwanted and wanted at the same time......

2004-11-21T07:25:00.000-08:00

well today i went to work as usual in weekends..... every thing was fine(~boring~).... well i did msg nurul a few days b4 today but she nvr seem to reply.... on friday her aunt told me she felt unwell and was already a sleep..... then yesterday i was like trying to msg her the whole day and she didnt even msg me to tell me tat she is busy or wad eva lah.... than at nite i called up... she said tat her phone was wif her mom and she juz got it...... well i need u ppl to tell me is it me or wad..... am i over reactin or wad.....

y does it always happen to me..... y is ger always treatin me this way..... at first they think i orite.... cause i call them msg them all the time.... but after some time they seem to get bored of me.....

then guess wad..... to i juz got the answer to my question...... indirectly.... there was this small boi(4-5yrs) who was lost and cryin like hell..... my collague all were juz lookin at him and didnt even lift a finger to help.... i went to the boi and brought him to the sevice center there.... as we were walkin there he grab my hand and hold it tightly..... i my heart i was like wat the hell, is this how i feel like when u are so damn wanted.... he was cryin non stop the whole way there.... then when we reach there i handed him to the lady workin there... as i was abt to go back to work..... the boi cried got louder and he ran towards me and grab my hand..... i had to stay with till his parent "relised" that their child is missing.... as the lady was makin anouncement over the speaker i was there consoling the boi..... after some time the stupid parent came..... they took him and didnt even say thanx..... walau....

i guess the incident today had made me relise that i should stop rushin into relationship..... when one of this days the rite ger will cum and luv u like hell and will nvr want to let u go...... cause it takes 2 to luv not oni one side of the member.... i juz hope nurul the one.... i rellie luv u ayang.... plz don treat me this way.... don 4get me or get bored of me...... plz nurul...
='<

holy hairy shit.....

2004-11-17T19:15:00.000-08:00

i told u guy i dye my freakin hair rite..... guess wad..... it still black oni veri little and i mean veri little color change.... so bought another dye which is much more freakin bright in color.... still after usin it my hair is still black..... wat the hell..... i think my mom curse my hair black...... hahaha...... nvm later i use dianamo, bleach my hair like hell.... wahahah..... ya btw i tried dyin my leg hair hahaha..... ya still black..... fark man....

later goin play soccer wif my sec school buddies...... i think i gona suck big time..... it have beem almost 1 mth since i touch a soccer ball...... nvm lah juz give it a shot..... later i sure give my blast ball...... BLAST~~ hahaha.....

yesterday was fortunate enought to talk to ayang on phone...... wah she freakin busy sia...... she taking O`level and yet still got to entertain visitor to her house, hari raya mah...... nvm left a few more paper oni .... the oni time i get to meet her is this commin monday..... when my group of fren is goin to jalan2 raye..... other than tat she fully book..... she got her graduation nite and stuff..... ya btw she goin out wif this guy who is crazy in love wif her on tuesday.... darn sianz .... guess wad her fren comment abt me.... they say she could have done better..... wat the meant is tat she can get better lokkin guy..... wahaaa freakin sianz....... but thank good nurul said tat she like a person 4 the heart not the face..... but still than it hurt.... hahaha.... juz wait i gona buff up my body one of these dayz..... hahaha..... and make her fren eat back their word...... i guess i am the worst lookin guy she ever dated....... i had a look at all her ex..... wahaa so freakin good lokkin..... luckly there is this ex who was fat and a juz mearly look a bit better..... at least not the worst rite...... eh sial ah long sia i write.... kkk gtg..... miss u nurul.... muakz

Finally........

2004-11-16T11:25:00.000-08:00

hahaha..... finally manage to sum up some courage and actually dye my hair.... hahah.... i know its sounds lame but its a big step 4 me..... especially when u have a veri narrow minded....... no drastic color lah.... oni mearly colourin it a little..... chestnut colour tats wad it sayz on the box..... haha..... now its almost 4 in the morning and still wide awake.....

hahaha..... finally fastin month is over and here cum hari raya.... cant wait till my pocket get full again $$$..... oppz did i say tat out loud..... hehe....

finally i got nurul..... juz hope this time i don get played again..... juz hope it all real.... hope??? no i know tis time it real..... cause i put all my trust on her..... muakz mizz u nurul fatin....... ayang all the bez 4 ur O`level okie...... if can cum to SP okie..... hehehe...... so can see tat cute face of yours..... muakz~~~...... see u soon k ayang..... byez

i nvr said not havin a religion is bad......

2004-11-12T04:36:00.000-08:00

okie i guess there is some advantages being a free thinker........ less rules and stuff..... there is no god 4 u to waist ur time prayin at...... but as u said free thinker has no religion..... but y do i see some of my fren having more than one religion at one and they call them self a free thinker..... that farkin funnie....... u can like be a buddist and go to the church..... hahaha.... wat is this..... any way who am i to say tat ant the other race.... well 4 a fact see the fuckin malay...... there are some of them who don even care abt their religion..... haiz no point say abt all this stuff.....

hah.... cant sleep huh..... haiyah oni 4 a few day rite.... juz say it lah u don give a damn lah...... i not angry because we broke up but the fact that u didnt relli luv me when we were 2gether.... juz imagine if i didnt break up wif u, u would still be there pretending..... and this whole time i taut there was some thing wrong wif me but it juz that u don like me any more...... i feel so cheated..... u ask me 2 4get abt the past...... hey ger it not tat easy especially when u use 2 meant alot to me.....

i juz farkin hate my self....... juz farkin leave me alone.....

had a fastastic day today.....

2004-11-09T09:05:00.000-08:00

hahahahaha..... finally met my sec school fren....... i guess we all haven chance much.... especially me...... hahah..... non stop teasin my fren...... makan raudah...... hahaha..... i was kind of scared at first to bring nurul along.... scare later they all say wad.... but i guess things work out and it went smoothly after that..... too bad nurul had to go home so fast.... nvm loh she goin to have her geography paper any way tomorrow..... all the bez chia yo...... hahaha...... she goin to malaysia 4 almost a mth next week to celebrate her cousin weddin...... haiz dono how to survive...... walau can die sia....... goin to miss her like hell......... hope she feel the same way......

AND TO THE PERSON I USE TO CALL MY GER
now i came to realise..... tat all tis time i was puttin 100% into it and i was juz mearly been like not luv..... how could i be so blind all this time not to see that i was juz being played like a puppet....... 4 wad eva reason lah u say.... religion and no free dom..... hey let me tell u...... if u luv some one u are willing to sacrifice things...... if u say abt religion freak off lah...... u think free thinker good huh...... if u say abt freedom..... hey u think i like to be kept locked at home ah.... hey plz lah...... it because my mom care ALOT ant me loh...... and because of this i turn out this way.... not a smoker, not a drinker, not a gambler, not a playboy and u can call me borin or wad eva..... but ask ur self isnt all this quality u look 4 in a guy.......

sori if i sound nasty or wad...... but i am piss off..... how could u treat me like this..... y y y~~~~~
here i am, tears rollin down my cheek and u.... not even a sweat..... u think it fun huh playin around wif other ppl feelin..... u once told me that u don want to treat ur guy like how u have been treated by ur ex..... hey ger all i can say is wad eva lah...... so u cant blame me 4 breakin off with u..... u don even want to put ur heart into it......

cant wait cant wait 4 tomorrow......

2004-11-08T04:27:00.000-08:00

hahaha..... hnow almost 5 sia i still haven sleep...... cannot get this freakin eye shut....... guess to excited to meet my fren 2morrow 4 dinner or break fast..... goin to meet nurul 1st and maybe go catch a movie 1st b4 meet them.... hope she do well in her o level exam...... all i can do is pray or i could juz force her to studie hahaha..... i think i pick the forcin part..... hahha..... any way all the bez to u ppl takin ur exam........

let me see wat the freak did i do today.... hmmm..... went 4 job interview today so freakin du-lan they don want to tell the pay system.... then ask me to freakin come there again on wednesday..... then they will tell me more..... so feakin stupid sia y cannot juz tell every thing today..... waste of time sia..... nvm lah juz hope it a good job and got give alot of $$......

btw where are u mr asshole haha..... so stupid hum ji sia nvr reply.... it take more than juz tat to take me and my fren down..... so sianz sia bo pian sia..... go around ppl blog and start talking shit.....

now talkin to pris..... walau so stupid sia...... i tot i was veri fast in gettin into another relationship...... walau she more faster sia.... i guess we all have to move on...... y do i still got fellin 4 her and she have long time 4 goten abt me....... so darn stupid sia...... i am so darn stupid to think tat she would still care abt me......

long time no see

2004-11-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

it have been some freakin time since i open this freakin thing..... to my suprise i got some message..... some freakin knn not worthy to be call a person start talkin crap.... i guess wad this ashole said was true..... i am a pouser and proud of it....... 4 ur info mr ashole there is bo real punk in singapore...... cause mr ashole punk is anti goverment and singapore is revolve around the goverment...... do u get i mr ashole....... mr ashole muahahaha nice name.....

i guess i was not relli tat suprisin tat this thing happen to me... sause i too "good" mah...... i totaly deserve it........ wad mr ashole said was true i guess abt me being nerd and pouser...... so wad i juz like my self and i didnt force any one to like me....... so in conclusin mr ashole i am wat eva u say i am, if i wasnt y would i say i am in the paper the news every day i am, radio wont even play my jam.....

y does she still linger in my mind now and then.....

2004-10-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

haiz.... called pris yesterday..... cant seem to 4get abot her.... every single day, it nvr seem to stop hauntin me.... WAT IF.... WAT IF!!!!.... Argh..... freak it ..... thing cant be undone now and plus i`m the one who are 4 the seperartion..... but y am the one sufferin in silence and u are haven the greatest time of ur life..... as thought i was a curse or burden to u..... i guess this curse have been lifted of ur shoulder and u have ur rite to have fun..... i wonder if u still remember me cause ever single nite in my sleep u nvr seem to apear in my mind..... maybe it juz my 1st true luv wif a person tat me is makinn me feel this this.....

but now there is some one else in my life.... and i hope that thing btwn me and her was as great as it was wif me and u pris..... the veri wierd thing is tat her mom is like kind of approvin me and her to go out and stuff..... but i don think i am ready to accept any one at this time.... cause i want to get things clear of my mind and stuff.... it veri wierd here i`m breakin up with a ger and yet there is another ger waitin 4 me....

I never saw it coming,
It hit without warning.
Why I didn't run...
I'll never know.

At first it felt warm and inviting,
But, now I only fear it.

I feel it dragging me under,
Like a warm ocean wave.
Then, wonderful and completing,
Now, dread filled and deadly.

Who cares where my body will land,
For my soul will never be free...

addicted

2004-10-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

I heard you're doin' okay
But I want you to know
I'm addic-
I'm addicted to you

I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I try to make you happy
But you left anyway

I'm tryin' to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
Still addic-
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true

I'd run a thousand miles to get to you
Do you think I deserve this
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to treat you good in every way

I'm tryin' to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I neverWant to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting
Till the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

I'm trying to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
I'm trying to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wantedAnd I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker

my version of perfect

2004-10-21T22:19:00.000-07:00

Hey PRIS look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I BREAK up according
To plan?
Do you think I’m wasting
My LIFE doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t pretend that I’m alright
And you can’t LUV me

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorryI can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My LUVER?
All the day
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t
Care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good

Zuhri: well there not much tat i can change.... it so darn perfect tat the song actually tell it all how i feel.....simpleplan gona kill me when they find out i edit their song.... argh so dead

perfect

2004-10-21T07:48:00.000-07:00

Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
Do you think I’m wasting
My time doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t pretend that I’m alright
And you can’t change me

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the daysYou spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t
Care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good

haiz dono wad to say.....

2004-10-19T03:27:00.000-07:00

in her blog she wrote tat i was evolvin into one of those chinese guy..... she mean tat chinese guy are always 2 timin ger and don care abt their ger...... well pris i rellie got nth to say.... maybe its not wrong 4 them to 2 time other ger if their own ger fren seem to care less and less abt them..... not like in the beginnin..... u tell me wad wrong wif callin ur guy sayang or darling got any thing wrong anot...... y u don say i luv u all this stuff often..... wad wrong wif holdin hand and huggin when in front of our fren we are already ofcially attach..... som i see no wrong in doin so..... u lastime use to go out wif me and ppl would stare at u remember.... cause of the diff race stuff and u will ignore them.... but now it seems that u are affaid of being wif me.....

some time i don know whether u meet me juz to see me or juz want to be wif my fren..... as if iwas not there...... okie if u say tat u want to be wif me.... than y u always talk to my fren not me and seem happier wif them..... argh.... i have already tried my bez to make thing work... now its all up to u to make thing go rite..... u said tat i didnt call u..... u want to know y..... cause ever time i call u, u seem to be doin some thing else..... and the last thing is tat u don rellie know who to console me...... haiz..... maybe it the race thing tat cause u to hate me...... but i can tell u 4 sure i still got fellin 4 u....

Had a great time at the chalet......

2004-10-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

Haiyah.... i had fun in the chalet even thought i didnt stay over.... cause of my mum lah argh....
pris kindda blame me 4 not allowin her to stay over there.... hey tell me which BF would want his ger to stay over with a bunch of guy.... plus they were dinkin and stuff..... anything can happen when u are drunk ger.... so there is always a reason y i nvr let u stay over..... muz understand me okie pris.....

on friday we knd of went shoppin.... find the bbq food..... i was kind of a burden to them.... cauze i cant eat pork mah then they all muz find the halal sign..... so the MA FAN sia..... then half way shoppin i had to go break fast..... kind of ask zhen wei accompany me..... i fell that istead of help them i was givin them more work to do..... i hope u guy understand okie.... u guy are the bez chinese fren a malay guy like me can ask 4.... thank god 4 all of u..... hehehe

haiyoh then on the second day i went after work was so darn tired plus the fastin thing haiyah can die..... i ran away from work an hr early..... hehehe than rush to taka...... i actually wanted to suprise pris wif a bunch of roses..... guess wad it was darn expensice.... i mean it 100++(blue roses) veri the nice..... but short of cash.... argh shit.... nvm it not worth it any way.... i rather buy her some thing nicer with the $$100.... neckles, ring or wad lah(don get excited huh pris maybe oni muahahah :PpPPp)..... so made my way to the chalet..... i met some of my guy fren ger over there..... but i still prefer u pris(u are the ultimate.....heheh) fool around over there u ppl know lah me.... nvr stop jokin and foolin around..... then send pris back home i mean the wdl mrt.... so darn late..... then i walk home from bb station..... i was hearin my disc man when i heard some one calin my name..... i taut it was my freakin imagination...... wah than saw 2 black cat starin at me...... than the freakin street light start to flicker sial ah my ball shrink sia... hehe.... then i felt some one followin me my hair stand sai even my facial hair stand hahaha.... rellie.... sial lah.... then when i reach home my mom had already fallen a sleep.... veri wierd sai...... she usally wait 4 me till i reach home........ then when i went to the bathroom to take a bath i heardsome lady crying..... wah i seh ah..... quickly go dry up and sleep..... lock all the window and close my bed room door...... scary sia......

For as the prblem btwn me and my parent.... haiyoh still the same they are as narrow minded as ever..... wad to do..... haiyz sianz..... now we rarly speak.... oni in the mornin when i go skool and i reach home.... other than that not at all...... till when will i be set free i ask them..... guess wad they replied..... till i get married...... walau weh..... i then replied that i will not get married and want them to take care of me till they get old.... since they like to take care of me...... i rellie considerin living single 4 life but the problem is that i will oni be abkle to get my own place at the age of 35.... maybe even adopt a child and be a single parent if i can afford it.... and good luck to u pris findin an amgmo guy and living abroad...... tat all lah.... but 4 now i rest all hope on u pris.....

Am i still a kid?? y muz they treat me this way....

2004-10-09T08:21:00.000-07:00

okie it all started like tis.... My SP mate ask me to come 4 a chalet and i was like the main man there(joker).... so i went and ask my mom and as expected she said "no".... arggh!!?? then i want bezeark i started shoutin and all tat stuff.... i ask her y cant i go she replied this"cause i don like".... walau juz because u don like i cannot go izzit.... i slam shut my door and stay lock in my room the whole day.... so diam sianz pluz i was darn hungry..... then call pris up that nite talk to her till 1++... juz to take my mind off thing....

then this morning my mom know my room door and ask me wat i wanted to eat..... i juz ignore her then she ask me am i still angry abt yesterday... i replied back to her "when can i get my freedom" she replied"the day i get married"...... AGAIN i went mad and push her out of the room and cried.... i was thinkin with this kind of life i nvr be free unless i get married and still i will oso nvr be free cause i be comited to my wife.... Argh fuck...... Then after werk juz now she called me.... i didnt pick up and that was nvr the case.... then when i reach home she didnt even look at me....

i rellie luv u mum.... i don mean to treat u like this but if this is wad it take to set me free than that is wad i have to do.... so fogive me mum.... i guess now i am alone... my mum now hates me and same 4 my dad.... and my sis hah.... she hated me since the day i was born and i don even know y..... so in my life now i am filled wif hatred from every one around me.... the oni one i can relli rely on is pris.... 4 now i don rellie have a purpose to leave on this life of mine except to see u pris day in and day out.... No one care 4 me anymore except 4 u pris..... maybe if one day somethin was to happen to me by accident or i go sucide..... show my parent this web page so they know how there son feel....

i don know y they are like this..... i don smoke, i don drink, i don do clubin, i don do all tat....wad could they want more.... yet they treat me this way..... sianz ah...

thing btwn me and pris are much much better..... thank god she came to her sences..... i am so scared of losin her..... she is all i have now..... i feel like dyin.... plz bring me to life.....

thingz are gettin better... i hope so...

2004-10-04T07:18:00.000-07:00

well get to meet her today mornin.... she woke up later but was able to reach skool on time damn chun siah.... she treatin me better.... and 4 the 1st time after a long time today she called me up and actually wanted to chat wif me..... sial ah so happie..... i hope tis would carry on.... luv her alot muakz....

second mth!!?? wohoo~~~

2004-09-30T04:28:00.000-07:00

it is our second mth today.... i got her a sumthing but i don think she like it..... she also got me some thing this time round.... hahaha(sori pris)..... thanx alot veri the nice.... hahah.... we kind of juz exchange gift and juz went our seperate ways..... she had to go to klass and after skool she had alot of homework to do so we went home.... i actually wanted to go out today.... haiz

so hang out with my fren for a while and went home basiclly..... so sian.... i want to talk to her but she busy now..... haiz

Had a great time today wif my fren.....

2004-09-29T06:26:00.000-07:00

today i woke u late.... skool was suppose 2 start around 8 and i woke up at 9..... so i decided 2 skip my 1st klass.... when i reach skool, my frenz didnt felt like goin for the next klass which was the last one any way... in the end we went lan gammin at bugis... basicly lost in war craft and CS.... can blame muah cause i rarely play now a days.... enjoyed my self any way despite losing.... it have been a long time since i did this type of things cause i was stuck to pris all the time... hahah.... its nice to go out with ur frenz once in a while....

she was out any way with her fren shoppin in town.... we actually wanted to meet each other but i had to go home early cause of sum thing and she had her tution lesson 2day.... so we went home..... we wasnt able to see each other the whole day..... even after she said all tat stuff yesterday i still have fellin 4 her maybe it oni have decrease a little.... i came to relise tat i should not be too engrose abt her cause there nothing to expect in this relationship..... its true wad!!!

She almost threw me away.....

2004-09-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

it was a very sad-sad day today..... 1st of all some one died yesterday in school...... cause she fell from a the 4 level.... then we lost the basket ball 3 on 3 challange(maybe next time)..... the during lunch time, i was kind of piss off at her 4 no reason...

then when we started havin our little talk, she told me tat she see slim(none) future wif me because we are of diff RELIGION..... she would like to marry some one christian as she wanted her wedding to be in a church.... haiyah than it suddenly came to me that we are not goin to be able to step to higher ground.... we will juz be like bf and gf oni... so i was tellin her that wad the point of caryin on this relationship... then she said to me that she will consider if she still want to be wif me....

Juz now she called me and gave me the answer and she still want to be wif me.... i don relli know weather to be happie or sad.... but all i can do 4 now is to let the realationship go wif the flow...

Am i too emotional??!!

2004-09-26T07:14:00.000-07:00

Haiz, cried myself to sleep yesterday... I was like thinkin how i have been treated my whole life... basily i was shown no respect from people around me.... My fren treat me as if i`m clown wif no feelin... They will shoot me wif all sort of comment and stuff till my face turn black... Than 4 my parent case, they still treat me as if i`m still 10yrs old... They are so over protective till as if i feel tat i am in prison in my own place... this freakin parent of mine call me up every few hour to check on me. Wat the fuck...!! Mom & dad don worrie i know how to take care of myself i`m no longer that small boi u use to know.... i know wad wrong & rite thanx 4 bringin me up....

For those people who have always said those bad thing abt me and stuff.... well i don know wether i am to thanx u guys or screw u.... cause of u ppl i have grown to be who i am today... I have always tried to go against wad u ppl say.... And from wad my pri skool mate said i have change alot but i don relli think so....

And 4 the freakin people in my werk place, could u ppl stop lookin at skin colour and leave me alone... especially u mister boss man stop lookin at me as if i got so sth wrong... coulp u ppl juz fuck off... i juz want to earn a living....

Am i a bad influence??!!

2004-09-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

yesterday i was like tryin to help solve her problem btw irene.... In the end i got hurt myself..... This fren of her said that ever since she was wif me she have change alot... They had problem talkin to each other cause of some comunication gap or wad shit lah.... Before they had this little convesation of theirs yesterday i have already predicted that it is some how my fault...... guess wad.... and was freakin rite....

And this "problem" which i still cant seem to figure it out.... Have cause tis to so called fren to spilt... i guess they got nth better to do.... I was like tryin to patch them up.... Tryin to be jovial as usual but end up to be the target... She started sayin that i was some how the cause of pris change.... And that got me thinkin "it is some how true".... then when i tried to say that it was my fault in the conversation her boyfren told me to shut up.... who the hell he think he is... As if i got no rite to say wad i feel... he don seem to show me any respect.... Maybe i over react when i reply "fuck u" back... sori nick.... but u doon have the rite to stop me from sayin wad i feel...

I fell that this problem should not have started in the 1st place if there was no lack of comunication btw them..... any way i don want to get involved any more cause i don want to get caught in the middle..... As if my own problem isnt enough.....

2004-09-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

haiyah
sial lah muah 1st time usin tis animal sia.... darn ma fan sia..... got alot of thing to do.... sial ah ma fan sia!!! 1st of all i like to say blink182 rawkZ!!! haaha.... nise sia tis freakin blog skin... but no use got nice blog skin if i have no entry in there.... it like a waist of the thing loh....

okie enought crap talk and now 4 the real thing..... muahahaha

let me see....hump??!!
basicly now is my freakin skool holiday sia..... got alot of project to do sia.... and guess wad i haven even open my book to "studie" 4 my cummin test.... freakin stress sia..... actually i like juggling alot of thing now.... 1stly my work which is sales person(lexmark printer) and tution teacher(maths & physic) ,2nd skool and the last thing which is my ger actually i don mind this last one..... she is actually helpin me in a way lah.... givin me motivation and all tat stuff lah.... i luv u beri much and i don care abt the race thing.... i will still try be wif u even if the entire world is against us.....

tis few week i have not been able to play my guitar till juz now.... i feel tat i have already lost my touch.... i think tat i should quit playin guitar and maybe even sell my yamaha guitar..... and mabye juz 4 get abt bein some one like mark from blink182..... haiz but i have to sacrifise some thing in oder to get wad i want....

sentosa trip
any way last monday 6/9 we went out to sentosa.... earlier tat morning i had soccer game wif alif rahman and gang.... i was expecting some wher fom fom 10 to 15 ppl to turn to turn up but in the end oni 5 turn up... and wad made it worst wast tat the field was used by the actuary club.... stupid sia.... pls tell me where got ppl now a days use bow and arrow..... so lame and primative sia..... so we played at the field at fc6 there in SP..... than it rain.... but it was a gd thing i dercide to stop b4 it rain.... then on my way to meet her to go sentosa, i say dawn(used u admire her but now F*** off bitch) she was like hiddin her face away form me.... wad her problem..... haiz i was kind of upset.....

than met my ger at dover there.... i was kind of upset when i met her cause of dawn lah.... than we went to sentosa.... we did nth much there (basicly slack there lah).... we took the monorail round and round..... every thing was okie till came tis 2 FUKIN couple.... the bastard was okie lah.... but the bitch sial ah.... she like askin me to slap the bitch out of her sia.... she came in and saw us than she said some thing like "free show" i was like thinkin wad her problem..... than she stard to give comment,,, i juz kept my cool... then when she lef the monorail she shouted bye and said carry on wif the free show.... than i was freakin angry i started to shout and cursin.... the dare not turn behind.... they juz walk away from us..... btw the ger look like an auntie(rellie i not blufffin) than the guy is like an ah beng wif no "balls".... i better not see them in public again.... if not i give the dog rape the ger..... chop the guy penis and let the dog eat.... argh..... basicly it was not goin like i plan on tat day.... but it was not a total disaster, i still have her..... hahaha luv ya....

over nite
it was yestrerday 9/9..... we intended to met each other at CWP cause i was lookin 4 shoes (vans) but we than decided to go to suntec cause there were more selection there.... than she went back home to change into something nicer and than ask her brother to tag along... okie a bit i want to say abt her bro... he is those chow ah beng at 1st sight but then when u know him, he is veri gd in the inside one.... but don how tat side often(like me) ..... basically he is funnie easy foin and stilo oso lah.... and veri open..... okie back to the storie.... basically found the shoes i wanted but it was too ex 4 me and i decided not to buy.... i juz got a vans slipper instead.... than we went to beach road walk2.... then i saw a converse shoe i wanted but there were no size in stock... argh!!! freakin fuck sia..... but i got a broen von dutch shirt cause she have one and we intead to wear the same when skool opeen.... so ppl watch out 4 us.... muahahaha

than i went back home.... waited 4 my dad to go werk b4 i went too her place..... than over by her place there we watch movie and we stayed awake 4 the whole day sia..... so nice sia.... we wach 50 1st date and water boi.... so funnie sia.... than in the morning i left her place to go for my cip project and she went to sleep..... sial ah so darn tired sia.... 1 whole day nvr sleep.....

pic one
pic two
pic three
pic four

life is like a piece of shit....

~~the time of my life~~

back to square one~~~

~~~ shouting my lungs out ~~~

~~~ shouting my lungs out ~~~

haha.... life nvr been better

Gay gay gay...... muahaha

life stink.....

i feel so unwanted and wanted at the same time......

holy hairy shit.....

Finally........

i nvr said not havin a religion is bad......

had a fastastic day today.....

cant wait cant wait 4 tomorrow......

long time no see

y does she still linger in my mind now and then.....

addicted

my version of perfect

perfect

haiz dono wad to say.....

Had a great time at the chalet......

Am i still a kid?? y muz they treat me this way....

thingz are gettin better... i hope so...

second mth!!?? wohoo~~~

Had a great time today wif my fren.....

She almost threw me away.....

Am i too emotional??!!

Am i a bad influence??!!

the time of my life

~ shouting my lungs out ~

~ shouting my lungs out ~